Sometimes, I have no better words to use other than the words ‘my heart broke’ because that is exactly how I feel and that is the only way that I can describe it! You must realize that I am not talking about the ‘heartbreak’ connected to a love affair – this is deeper. It is a feeling that I cannot describe to you and that one that you would have to feel in order to know it.
The first time I felt it was at the beginning of my ministry. GOD made me feel so much pain for what His body was doing or not doing. When I asked Him why I was feeling that way, He said that He felt that way! In other words, I felt the heart of GOD. However, what I did not know then was that this feeling had come to stay! I will feel it now and again when someone hurts me but also when I hurt GOD. I will also feel it when someone that I am praying for has done something to hurt GOD. I feel it when I feel betrayed but also when I am betrayed. It is a feeling that fills my heart the instant my peace is attacked.
“...and if thou take forth the precious from the vile, thou shalt be as my mouth” (Jeremiah 15:19).
Attacks that rob me of my peace usually come in form of words or actions that elicit a verbal response from me. GOD will periodically examine me and it was only recently that the Spirit of GOD revealed it to me that GOD examines me mostly in this area – in ‘the department of words’. What I say when I open my mouth is very important to whether I pass or fail an exam. In fact, my victory often lies in remaining silent.
Now, about two weeks ago, He warned me of coming exams and wished me luck in them. Of course, even if I cancelled them, I knew that GOD would bring them anyway. Therefore, they began. However, I must tell you that I have already tripped and, even if I do not like to say it, I know that I have failed some! You see, situations occurred where I was offended and I opened my mouth! Although I did not curse, I did not bless either. These situations were both in a typical Ugandan taxi (if you are a Ugandan, you know what I mean). As soon as I stepped out of the first encounter, I knew that I had failed the exam and my heart broke and I immediately repented. The next one, I was more alert and I refused to say anything other than, ‘forgive me sir’. I passed that one. The third time, I could clearly see that I was about to be examined but then my examiner held his peace and knew that GOD had exempted me from that one. Nonetheless, when I was examined the fourth time, I failed and, again, my heart broke and I repented to GOD immediately.
My next exam appeared in a word that GOD said this morning. He said, ‘MWOGERA’ (you people talk too much) and I knew that that there was my next examination! It was not the first time that GOD was cautioning me using this word and whenever He does, I pray not to open my mouth in gossip, slander or in argument. Therefore, I prayed and asked Him to put His hand on my mouth so that I would not say anything that I was not supposed to say. I also asked Him to take all that is vile out of my system and replace it with the precious so that when I open my mouth only precious words (His word) flow out.
It was not long before I was given the next exam. Now, I am in a season of my life where I am so busy but productive. However, the devil will use anything and anyone to distract me from GOD’S purpose for my life. To be honest with you, unless it builds the kingdom of GOD directly, I do not want to have anything to do with it. You see, there is so much that I need to do in order to ‘build my part of the wall’.
It so happens that, sometimes, because we want to be ‘well-mannered’ or ‘proper’ we suffer people and their attitudes towards us. This takes our peace and causes a ‘roadblock’ to the successful accomplishment of our divine duties. Well, my time and assignment to the kingdom of GOD takes priority over everything else steals my joy and peace. Therefore, today I chose to be different. I chose to put my foot down and refuse to be drawn into something that would do just that. I verbally told my ‘opponents’ that I had so much to do for the kingdom of GOD that I did not ‘need this’. I promptly closed my mouth and went back to work!
Consequently, I advise you to prioritize the things in your life and decide what it is that matters more. Is it that which the devil uses to steal your joy and peace while stalling the successful completion of your kingdom duties? Choose to be different...choose to take a stand and say, ‘NO, I will not be drawn into this this time. I have kingdom work to take care of’.
Dear GOD, there have been times when I have given in to the devil’s attacks and opened my mouth and retorted in anger. Please forgive me. Today, LORD, I choose silence even as I choose peace and joy. I will not let the devil take away my joy. LORD, whenever you are silent may I be silent and may I speak whenever you have something to say. Please empty me of all the vile and fill me with the precious. I thank you, LORD, because you have done. In Jesus’ name, I have prayed, amen.